


I'm Holding My Breath for You

by depozyt, topkyungsoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (no one's actually dead here), Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Anal Sex, Bars and Pubs, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Dream Sex, Dream Sharing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhibitionism, Fluff and Smut, Ghosts, Hand Jobs, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Phone Sex, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Spit As Lube, Unreliable Narrator, Verbal Humiliation, a bit of, unemployment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:21:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27231910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/depozyt/pseuds/depozyt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/topkyungsoo/pseuds/topkyungsoo
Summary: Chanyeol's arms don't feel like home—nothing does for Kyungsoo—but they feel like a concrete foundation for that home to be built on. Brick by brick. And just like houses take years to build, some relationships need time as well. If they decide to put in the work, draw the blueprint, negotiate the terms, they might just create a safe haven for each other.(Rain is supposed to amplify the visibility of ghosts, but Chanyeol's presence makes Kyungsoo feel alive again.)[ For top!soo fest round 4: Magic Realism AU ]
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 11
Kudos: 25
Collections: top!soo fest: round 4 (2020-2021)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this started out as an excuse to write some silly smut scenes and do something with a plot idea i had months ago... i don't know exactly what this has turned out to be, but I hope you have fun reading!
> 
> thank you to my dear beta! i might have dropped this if it weren't for your encouragement!! ily
> 
> kyungsoo flirts with some light slut-shaming here as a way to verbally humiliate chan, it's all in good fun and both parties are consenting to it, but please take note of it, especially if it makes you uncomfortable! 
> 
> Warnings ⚠️ everything included in the tags, smoking, light slut shaming, brief mentions of death

The decorative, vintage cigarette case is the only thing with an ounce of color in Kyungsoo’s closest surroundings. All the buildings are made of polished concrete and glass, giving the illusion that they are blending into the grey, stormy sky. Kyungsoo flicks his lighter, the orange flame dancing before his palm.

Cigarettes might not be the healthiest pick-me-up, but neither is sugar or caffeine, so he doesn’t feel that bad about it. Besides, the polluted air is not doing wonders for his lungs either. At least that's what he tells himself most days.

"Rough day?" a tall man standing beside him on the railway station asks. His hair is bleach-blond and damaged—that’s the first thing Kyungsoo notices about him. He’s also wearing a heavy raincoat, even though it’s barely drizzling. 

"It’s Friday," he says, like that’s enough of an answer. "They couldn’t let us go without making a fuss," he adds, rolling his eyes and offering the man a cigarette for listening to his concise bitching. 

"I’m Chanyeol," he says instead.

"Hello, Chanyeol, do you want a cig? I tried to make them taste like wild strawberries," Kyungsoo ignores the man’s awkward attempt to learn his name. 

Chanyeol reaches for the case, but his hand goes through it and Kyungsoo’s entire hand.

"I didn’t notice that you weren’t alive, my mistake," he apologizes for his faux pas.

Rain amplifies the visibility of ghosts—it's about as normal as seeing a rainbow after a storm ends. Wandering spirits used to terrify him—there's always something wrong with their faces, or rather, the eyes in particular; they look like they're made of glass. But Chanyeol’s eyes are looking quite ordinary.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not," Chanyeol says as he starts frantically touching all of his limbs. "I'm  _ very  _ sure I'm alive, I swear!" 

Kyungsoo shrugs. "Death's everyone's first and last friend, Chanyeol. Hades will come for all of us eventually," he tells the ghost, exhaling right into his face, the smoke passing him without much problem. "You shouldn't be ashamed of dying." 

"No, seriously, I have a gig tonight! If you don't believe me, you can come and see it! We’re playing in  _ El Dorado _ , you know, on the 5th avenue," he protests, but Kyungsoo’s barely paying attention to him.

"I'm afraid I'll have to decline," Kyungsoo says as he stubs his cigarette on the trash can, ash changing color from bright orange to dull gray as the rain wets his hair just a little. "I tend to not accept any invitations from the dead. You know, I’m quite superstitious." 

***

Kyungsoo wakes up in a… strange position, to say the least. He’s had wet dreams before, mostly when he was a teenager, but they still happen sometimes. Although he’s never started a dream with sucking someone off, there’s usually some foreplay—maybe some flirting.

But no, this time the dream starts with his mouth already on someone’s cock. Kyungsoo looks up—he likes to be the one in control at all times, even if he’s in the traditionally submissive position. He doesn’t trust anyone to give it up willingly. 

"What the fuck!" he exclaims when he sees the face of the man in his dream. It’s the ghost from before.

"Hello?" Chanyeol says, his voice rough.

"You’re the guy from the railway station!"

"And you’re the hot dude that rolls his own cigarettes! Hi!"

Kyungsoo looks around, he's in an empty, trashed, apartment with only the mattress laying in the middle. The yellow wallpaper is coming off the walls, revealing the faded paint underneath. He feels like he needs to wash his hands just looking at it as if the grime could travel through the air. And maybe it can, because there are spots of black mold by the ceiling. 

"Where are we?"

"I don't know," Chanyeol says. "This looks like my childhood home."

"Why are you in my dream? And why did you live in such a hell-hole?" Kyungsoo asks and Chanyeol’s expression makes him realize that sometimes he should keep his thoughts to himself. 

"Some of us are poor and don’t live in middle-class populated suburbs," he scoffs, looking like Kyungsoo had insulted his mother—which might actually be partially true. "I don’t know why I’m in your dream. Frankly, this feels really weird… But I was enjoying it before you stopped," he says, the tone of his voice softer.

It's hard not to take pity on Chanyeol when he looks so disappointed that Kyungsoo stopped. "Have you ever had a lucid dream? Because that’s what it feels like for me. Before I was going through the motions, following the script, but now I’m suddenly awake in a dream. And honestly, I really don’t mind." He smiles at Chanyeol before taking his cock back into his mouth. "Since this is a dream, and you’re already spread out before me, eager and desperate… why not continue?"

"You're literally the man of my dreams now," Chanyeol’s loud laugh turns into a moan halfway. 

Kyungsoo thinks he deserves it for the bad pun. Chanyeol is pliant under his touch, melting into the filthy mattress and cursing probably all the Gods and Saints he knows the names of. It's such a power trip to watch it unfold. Kyungsoo has always loved reducing people to their most desperate versions—they are always so honest, unashamed.

"Tell me exactly what you want," he demands from Chanyeol, making sure his voice sounds low and authoritative.

"Fuck me, please, just fuck me," he almost sobs, his arm covering his mouth.

"Just say if you want me to stop, okay?" Kyungsoo makes sure to give him a welcoming smile before he tugs at Chanyeol’s underwear and throws it aside. Normally he would be appalled by his actions, but this is a dream, this isn't someone's apartment so he feels it's fine.

Chanyeol gives him an encouraging nod. 

Kyungsoo reaches for one of the pillows to put it under Chanyeol’s ass. "Unless you can materialize lube, well, this is how it's gonna go. But you don't mind, right? It seems like you'll take whatever I give you," he says before parting Chanyeol’s legs, his lips touching the delicate skin of the inside of his thighs. "Has anyone gone this far with you, Chanyeol? Has anyone before prepped you by eating you out?" Kyungsoo laughs as he spreads Chanyeol’s cheeks before lightly biting one of them.

"If I say  _ yes _ I'll ruin the mood, right?" he snickers.

"I didn't peg you for a brat."

"Oh, I've gotten pegged before. Honestly, I don't know why you are surprised by that." Chanyeol seems delighted when Kyungsoo laughs at his awful pun. 

"You didn't like my attempt at a serious dirty talk, did you?" Kyungsoo feels a slight pang of insecurity in his chest. 

"No, no, I did—you're really hot, but I like to talk back, crack some jokes from time to time. It's more fun that way. I don't have to do it if you don't like it though…"

Kyungsoo chuckles, trying to mask his embarrassment. "What am I supposed to say? Yes, please, stop being funny, my fragile psyche can't handle it?" he laughs. 

"I've been told to shut up for far less understandable reasons," Chanyeol says and Kyungsoo knows it's supposed to be funny, but it hits a little too close to home for him. He hopes Chanyeol never feels like this again. 

"Be as loud and as bratty as you want—this time there will be no consequences, I promise." 

"What about our next time? What’s the catch?" Chanyeol shows off his perfectly straight teeth in a grin and Kyungsoo’s heart does a little flip in his chest. It’s cute—Chanyeol’s so cute and Kyungsoo wants to make him feel good. 

"We will discuss it when it happens," he says before touching Chanyeol’s rim with his lips. 

He flinches, clearly not expecting Kyungsoo to touch him so soon. "Don't be shy, I know you’ve been waiting for me to finally do something." 

And in response, Chanyeol just whines very quietly as his hand reaches down to fist Kyungsoo’s short hair. Kyungsoo circles his tongue as he feels Chanyeol tighten the grip on his hair. The slight, stinging pain is only making him more eager to absolutely wreck Chanyeol, to make him moan and trash his head around on the pillow.

Before he slips his tongue into Chanyeol he makes sure the skin on the inside of his thighs is covered in pretty bruises and bites.

“Please, can you,” Chanyeol sobs out when Kyungsoo runs his tongue around the rim. “Please—”

“Can you spread yourself more?” Kyungsoo asks, pretending to be unaffected by Chanyeol’s pleas, despite the way his hard cock is pushing against his still-zipped pants. “I need you to cooperate with me for a minute here.” Chanyeol listens to his command almost immediately, opening up his legs even more. “I’m a complete stranger to you, and yet, you’re so willingly exposing yourself to me. You’re so eager to give yourself to me. So tell me, you’d do this for anyone, right?” Kyungsoo mocks him, carefully observing Chanyeol’s reaction to his humiliating words.

“I would,” Chanyeol answers; he sounds almost proud of himself. “And that means you aren’t as special as you think you are,” his laugh turns into a moan under Kyungsoo’s skilled mouth. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t.”

“Some of us have self-respect.”

“Or you’re just boring, but whatever makes you feel better, babe.”

The pet name makes Kyungsoo stop licking for a moment, his tongue not moving in and out of Chanyeol’s rim. The stranger seems to pick up on it. “Will ‘ _ baby’ _ have the same effect on you?  _ Love _ ?  _ Honey _ ? Perhaps  _ pet _ ?”

“If you say the last one again, I’ll find a way to dematerialize myself from this dream,” Kyungsoo grumbles in between licks.

“But ‘ _ baby’  _ is fine?” Chanyeol asks, sounding earnest.

“Yes…” Kyungsoo answers quietly. He's not used to nicknames as his friends and family usually just call him by his name. As for past partners… Kyungsoo has never vocally expressed that he likes it in front of anyone until, well, today. 

“Then come here, baby.” Chanyeol guides him to his mouth, kissing Kyungsoo as fervently as if they were running out of time and every second counted. And maybe it does, because if this is a dream then they can wake up soon. “Please, fuck me already, baby. I need it.”

Kyungsoo feels safe next to Chanyeol even if they are both perfect strangers brought together by some cosmic roll of a dice, even if there’s a high chance they won’t see each other again. And the way Chanyeol is begging him is making Kyungsoo melt. He tugs at his zipper and quickly takes off only his underwear.

It'd be so easy to slip into Chanyeol thanks to Kyungsoo’s spit, but he doesn’t do it right away, choosing to tease the stranger with the tip of his cock touching his oversensitive hole. 

Chanyeol wraps his long legs around Kyungsoo’s waist. "You can move, it's just a dream so don't worry about me too much, baby. I've done this before. "

Kyungsoo doesn't wait for another confirmation. He slams into him with such force that the sound of their skin slapping against each other carries through the empty room. "Anything you wish for," he says before kissing Chanyeol again, their teeth almost clinking together.

In the beginning, he eases himself into it, his thrusts deep and slow, and Chanyeol just melts right into his arms, letting Kyungsoo kiss his neck and collarbones. But with every moan that comes out of Chanyeol’s mouth, Kyungsoo speeds up the pace, fucking Chanyeol into the mattress just to hear those pretty sounds again and again in between sharp inhales. 

Chanyeol reaches down and as he begins to stroke himself Kyungsoo can’t help but chuckle. “What if I pinned you by your wrists?" Kyungsoo asks.

“I'd just roll you around and pin  _ you _ down," he says, sounding amused. 

"You're definitely a brat," Kyungsoo laughs, slowing down his thrusts. "Are you going to try?"

"I'd rather be your pretty, pillow prince instead. Work it, baby," Chanyeol rasps out before he locks their lips once more. 

And Kyungsoo listens to him, rolling his hips as he takes Chanyeol’s free hand and intertwines their fingers. He loves fucking Chanyeol, he's hot and tight, and Kyungsoo can barely control himself from just losing himself and ravaging him. 

"Fuck, I'm gonna come," Chanyeol warns him as he tightens his ass around Kyungsoo’s cock, making him gasp. "Please, harder,  _ please. _ "

"Stop touching yourself, just try to hold on," Kyungsoo mumbles into his ear, feeling that he's also close. His thrusts become shallow as chases his own climax.

"Fuck, fuck," Chanyeol whines as he's brought to completion, his cum spilling onto his stomach and Kyungsoo’s shirt. 

Kyungsoo soon follows as Chanyeol melts into his arms.

"It's a shame I don’t even know your name. I could scream it when I touch myself to the memory of this dream later," Chanyeol laughs, his face buried into the crook of Kyungsoo's neck.

"It's Kyungsoo," he says quietly, and immediately everything starts to fade into a blur of indistinguishable colors. The last thing he remembers is the way Chanyeol's hand felt on his hip.

He wakes up to the sound of his alarm clock. 

***

Kyungsoo stops himself from adjusting his itchy shirt, he feels like if he moves even a centimeter the whole world will shatter into a million indistinguishable pieces. He’s sitting in his manager’s office, the cheap chair digging into his lower back.

"Mr. Do, are you even listening to me?" his manager scorns, her blood-red lipstick adorning her small, pursed lips. 

"Very intently." This conversation is not going to end well. Kyungsoo looks at the white clock with metallic details, its face almost blending into the wall.

_ 11:27 AM _

"The management has decided to let you go, Mr. Do. Your last day will be on Friday, that is all," she says as she closes the black, hefty binder laying on her desk. "You’ve been a valuable addition to our team, and I hope we can leave on good terms."

"You’re firing me."

"Precisely," she says with a polite smile.

Kyungsoo realizes he can’t even save his honor and quit because he needs the unemployment benefits to… continue existing in this hellish reality. He won’t ask his friends for money. He’s too stubborn. "May I ask why?"

"We’re cutting costs—keeping you would be cost-ineffective, Mr. Do."

Kyungsoo feels about as useless as a solar clock during the polar night.

***

The next time he sees Chanyeol it’s in an aquarium after his shift ends. 

"The only benefit of… astral projecting into your life is that I don’t have to pay for the tickets," he says with a dumb grin on his face. He has a dimple on his left cheek—cute.

Kyungsoo takes out his phone as he continues looking at the fish swimming on the other side of the glass. Their lazy motions are calming him down, reminding him to stay in the moment and not get consumed by his anxiety.  _ It’s going to be fine. _

"What are you doing?"

"Talking on the phone with you? I don't want to look suspicious mumbling to myself." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "I got fired," he confesses, his voice cracking. "I haven't told anybody yet." 

"Do you want to talk about it? Or should I distract you?" Chanyeol asks.

"Do you know any cool fish facts?"

Kyungsoo touches the cold glass panel, the material feeling smooth under his fingertips almost as if it was wet. He wonders what it would feel like to hit it with his fist. Would the glass crack? Maybe the water would start to leak, inundating the building and making the fish suffocate.

"Electric eels have enough electricity to kill a horse," Chanyeol says with hesitation and it makes Kyungsoo laugh—he didn't expect to actually hear him talk about fish.

"Can I be that horse?" he laughs harder at Chanyeol’s confused expression. "It was a suicide joke, not a weird innuendo. Don’t worry, I’m not a furry."

The ghost purses his lips. "No, I know, it’s just—if you keep repeating something over and over, your wish might come true. And I’ve grown to like you, despite our short… friendship," he says, his voice unsure. "I don’t want you to feel like the world would be better without you."

"It was a joke, Chanyeol." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, feeling like a teenager who said too much during a fight only to get scolded.

"Again, I know, but it’s easier to joke about things we really think about ourselves." He offers Kyungsoo a weak smile. "At least that’s what I used to do." The look in his eyes reveals deep sadness; it’s clear that he’s talking from personal experience.

"Is this how you died…" Kyungsoo can’t even look at him; he feels so guilty now.

"I’m telling you that I’m NOT dead! I’m very much alive, I have bills to pay! Ghosts don’t pay rent and I’m two months behind," he grumbles.

Kyungsoo doesn’t bring up the topic of death for the rest of the night, silently enjoying the beauty of the aquarium.

***

"This house doesn’t exist," Chanyeol says, bringing Kyungsoo’s lucidity back. It feels like pulling out your head from the bathtub when there’s still water in your ears.

"How do you know that?" Kyungsoo asks, looking around. They’re standing before a half-collapsed tenement, the bricks peeking through from under the parget. Somehow he’s sure it’s the same place they’ve been before.

"It burned down years ago."

Kyungsoo glances at Chanyeol’s calm expression. "Is this your childhood home?"

The man smiles at him. "No, but it’s a building from the same neighborhood. One night I woke up and could hear the sirens wail in the distance, when I looked outside, there was smoke coming out of the house down the street." He walks up to one of the ruined walls. "I remember I didn’t go to school that day and watched cartoons the whole afternoon. I can’t imagine the trauma the tenants had to go through… Watching your home burn to the ground."

"This means your house must be somewhere near," Kyungsoo says as he turns around, his feet unsure on the wet grass underneath—it must’ve rained. But there’s nothing around them besides the house—literal void. He feels consumed by the fathomless darkness in the distance. "Or maybe not."

"The dream logic of this… universe is not doing us any favors," Chanyeol chuckles. "But I have an idea." He closes his eyes. "Do it with me, imagine a—"

"A meadow," Kyungsoo cuts in, his eyes already shut tightly and the golden sunshine touching his skin. 

Now he’s standing in a field of grass reaching his claves. Kyungsoo extends his arms to feel the wind ruffle his clothes, he hasn’t been outside the city in such a long time. Parks aren’t the same, not with their trimmed lawns and carefully selected plants that are supposed to match a color palette. He loves nature, but not the too green and too micromanaged version of it he sees every day. 

"This is much better. I haven’t been here in a while," Chanyeol says with a smile. "I want to check something."

Kyungsoo tilts his head. "What do you mean?"

"I want to see whether this is actually a dream."

"Do you want me to punch you or something? I can do that, sure," Kyungsoo says as he pulls up his sleeves with a small smile on his lips.

Chanyeol laughs, mirth clearly visible in his dark eyes. "You’re very eager to incite violence, do you perhaps have some unresolved anger issues?"

"Probably." Kyungsoo shrugs as he sits down on the soft grass. "Working a desk job does that to you eventually. Have you seen an excel sheet? Just thinking about them makes my blood tension skyrocket."

"Good thing I always avoided those jobs." He joins Kyungsoo on the grass. 

"I don’t think this is my dream, Chanyeol."

"What do you mean?" He tilts his head, looking at Kyungsoo in confusion. "Then whose dream is this then?"

"Yours. I’m visiting your dream, Chanyeol." He leans closer, so close in fact that he can feel Chanyeol’s breath on his cheek. "I’ve never been to the building we saw earlier, I’ve never been to this meadow. These must be your memories if you can recognize these places so easily."

Chanyeol’s eyes widen in realization. "I—maybe, okay, maybe you have a point. I still want to check something else though…"

"What is it?" Kyungsoo asks as if he doesn’t know what Chanyeol’s going to say. It’s written all over his face, and Kyungsoo can’t wait to touch him, to feel his skin under his lips.

And Chanyeol pulls him closer, his warm hand entangled in Kyungsoo’s short hair. He tastes sweet, and his lips are so soft, Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do with himself or the warmth blooming in his chest like a snowdrop in early spring. He hasn’t felt anything akin to this in so long that he’s almost forgotten what it's like for his heart to race when he kisses someone. To him, affection is performative at times, it’s a mask to put on when appropriate. But what he feels for Chanyeol is genuine. 

In fact, it’s so sincere that his chest is starting to ache.

The mark he leaves on Chanyeol’s neck reminds him of the poppies that would soon bloom on this meadow if it were real.

***

Kyungsoo walks up to the bar with his hands shaking and legs feeling like jelly—he couldn’t even bring himself to listen to music during the commute, he’s too nervous to meet Chanyeol for the first time. Well, for the first time while they’re both awake and real.

The bar is eerily empty. He imagines it’d be silent too, if not for  _ Bohemian Rhapsody  _ blasting from the speakers.

"Please don't order kamikaze. It's mean, but I judge everyone who does." Chanyeol smiles politely as Kyungsoo takes off his coat and sits on one of the barstools. The leather seat is sticky but he chooses not to think about it too much.

"Why?"

"It creates a never-ending, blue-tinted cycle of shitty alcohol and regret."

Kyungsoo awkwardly laughs at Chanyeol's cryptic answer. "Give me something that won’t get me drunk, but looks legit so I can sit here and judge people for badly singing  _ Single Ladies _ during the karaoke hour."

Chanyeol sighs. "I don’t think I’ve seen someone get fucked up on a single glass of rum with coke? So you should be safe," he says, already taking out the ice from the container.

Kyungsoo focuses on the mark on his neck, deep-red mixed with purple, turning slightly yellow—it still reminds him of a blooming poppy. "Have you had any… strange dreams recently?"

The bartender laughs as he tops the drink with coke, the white foam gathering on top. "Like getting fucked in an old tenement? Perhaps… Maybe if you tell me your name my memory will come back."

"It’s Kyungsoo." He rolls his eyes. "You know that already."

"Hello, Kyungsoo—I’m Chanyeol, but you also  _ already  _ know that." He gives him a warm smile, his eyes crinkling with something akin to excitement. "Now you know for sure that I’m not a ghost." Chanyeol gives him his hand.

For some reason, Kyungsoo gets anxious—it’s like he’d swallowed a metal ball that’s weighing him down, making it hard to move even a centimeter. Instead of shaking it, he touches Chanyeol’s hand and intertwines their fingers. "You’re actually a real person, not a figment of my overactive imagination that I use to make myself feel better."

"You took this straight out of my mouth, wow. You’re also a real person—it’s strange to think about." He gives Kyungsoo’s hand a squeeze, his long fingers looking almost grotesque in comparison. 

"I’m guessing you work here?" Kyungsoo asks, knowing that he sounds judgmental. The bar isn’t a dive, but it also isn’t a fancy cocktail lounge Kyungsoo would frequent on the regular when he still had a stable source of income.

"And you don’t work anywhere since you got fired," Chanyeol sneers with a glint of amusement in his eyes. 

"I deserved that blow," Kyungsoo laughs.

"Yeah, you can be bitchy sometimes."

"I prefer to be described as  _ hard to love _ ." 

Chanyeol continues washing the shot glasses in the sink. "Remember, you can't cover-up your insecurities with self-deprecating humor—it won't make them go away. Besides, maybe you aren't  _ hard to love, _ but just hard to take advantage of."

Kyungsoo gets taken aback by his words, a jolt going through his entire body. This was an unnecessary call out. "Are all bartenders just therapists that didn’t make it?"

"Who else would agree to listen to drunk people all night? We’re all armchair psychologists with an affinity for whiskey—or broke uni students, either one works."

"Which one are you then?" Kyungsoo leans on the bar, his chin resting on his arms. 

"Academics aren’t for me, I tried it, got my degree, and decided I never wanted to cite my sources again." He starts playing with a cocktail shaker, his long fingers circling the edge over and over. Kyungsoo finds it strangely attractive. 

"You hate desk jobs, and you didn’t stay in uni, so what’s your aspiration in life? Working as a bartender till your liver gives out?" Kyungsoo gets taken aback by the tone of his own voice, he sounds so jaded, so very tired. 

But despite that Chanyeol looks excited. "I'm a musician, I even invited you to one of my gigs." 

"Oh yeah, I thought you were dead back then and declined," Kyungsoo says. "You can invite me again, I won't shut you down this time. I wouldn't mind seeing you play tonight even." 

The bartender smirks. "I won't have a gig for a while, the drummer is out of town—I mean, I can play drums, but I'm the guitarist in this band, so you know… But you can play darts with me. It’s the graveyard shift anyway, if I get a twenty in tips I’ll call it a decent night."

"Is there a prize?"

"I'll pay for your next drink." 

Not only Kyungsoo wins against Chanyeol, but he also beats two other people who promise to pay for his drinks. He hasn't been this drunk since last New Year's Eve.


	2. Chapter 2

"Have you experienced something like this before?" he asks Chanyeol, his tongue not listening to him and slurring his words. 

Kyungsoo wants to know about the strange dreams as much as possible. He's a bit drunk and Chanyeol's already closed the bar—they're walking home, the moon lazily rising in the sky.

"Have you?" 

"No, that's why I'm asking—you're the unknown variable," Kyungsoo insists, annoyance audible in his voice. Chanyeol can be so needlessly uncooperative sometimes.

"I don't think I've shown up outside of someone's dreams before, but…"

"But?"

"I taught myself how to lucid dream when I was a teen and ever since I've been visiting people's dreams? At least, I think that's what happens? Quite frequently people tell me they see me in their dreams and I can remember it," he tells Kyungsoo, a wide grin making his dimple show.

Kyungsoo stumbles upon seeing it, his feet slipping on the concrete. He laughs when he feels his knees touch the ground.

"Are you alright?" Chanyeol kneels next to him. "Wait, are you drunk?"

"No," Kyungsoo laughs, betraying himself. "A little bit." He's too good at pretending to be sober, a lot of people don't recognize when he's blacking out, like right now.

"I genuinely wouldn’t have realized—I mean, you’re less grumpy, but wow. You don't even look or sound that drunk. You managed to fool a bartender," he laughs as well, his voice echoing through the empty street.

"The magic of a white, collared shirt and an expensive watch. You can get away with a lot of shit," he snickers. "I want to see you in my dream tonight," Kyungsoo confesses as he cups Chanyeol’s face, his fingers sliding over a spot he’d forgotten to shave. 

Nothing seems real in that moment, not the humidity in the air, not the way his clothes touch his skin, not the flickering street light behind them, its light distorting Chanyeol’s features with a yellow glow. Neither does the way Chanyeol touches his cold hand and brings it to his chest instead like he wants to keep it there—in his heart. 

Never before had Kyungsoo wanted to get to know someone so intimately.

***

Chanyeol lives in apartment building number _27/11_. That's the only detail Kyungsoo remembers from their walk home. 

***

Kyungsoo inhales the bitter-sweet smoke into his lungs as he sits on the balcony in Chanyeol’s apartment. He’s afraid to look at the ground, his fear of heights getting the better of him. Every breath is a mumbled curse word in a language that's somewhat familiar to him, and his eyes are watering as he yawns for the hundredth time that evening.

"You never told me you had a dog," he slurs, no longer trying to cover up his state.

"It never came up." Chanyeol shrugs as he sits down next to him, Toben held tightly against his chest. 

"I hate that you live on the eighth floor," Kyungsoo says, suddenly feeling like he can tell Chanyeol everything. Even that he’d worked on the top floor for three years and every day he had to fight the dull panic when using the elevator. "I can’t even look down."

"You’re scared of heights?"

"They fucking terrify me, we had a very tall tree in our backyard when I was a kid, I fell down from the very top when my cousin challenged me to climb it. I broke my left arm," he says, the words not wanting to leave his mouth.

"What did it feel like? To fall, I mean," Chanyeol specifies. 

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, the air barely fitting in his lungs. "There are things you can’t describe and give them justice, Chanyeol. I’ve never been able to look down the same way—some days I feel like the ground I walk on will open before me and I’ll fall, and fall, and fall, till I reach the center of the Earth."

Chanyeol puts his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and Toben tries to get to pet him. Kyungsoo gives in. He'd always wanted a dog—maybe several.

"Are you still behind with rent?" 

Chanyeol nods. 

"If I don't find a job soon, I'll have to downgrade—I don't have much savings." 

What Kyungsoo is trying to imply is obvious to Chanyeol. "You're drunk, Soo. We can talk about it in the morning," he says firmly.

"Do you have a memory you can't describe?" Kyungsoo asks in an attempt to distract him. 

Chanyeol hesitates, his face buried in the crook of Kyungsoo's neck. "When I was eighteen I jumped into a pool and hit my head on the edge—I still have the scar." He instinctively touches the back of his head. "I'm terrified how often I go back to this memory, how peaceful the bottom of that pool seems in my mind—how comforted I am by the feeling of sinking, reaching the very end."

***

Kyungsoo throws himself at Chanyeol’s bed face first. He gives himself three seconds to stand up and brush his teeth, unless Chanyeol doesn’t have a spare toothbrush—he cares about dental hygiene but not at the expense of his dignity, thank you very much. 

"I’ll… sleep on the couch," Chanyeol says as he prepares to leave the room.

"No, you won’t." Kyungsoo tries to unbutton his shirt, he’s unsuccessful because his hands are shaking. The other man joins him on the bed, his fingers skillfully getting rid of the garment.

"How oversized do you want your new pajamas? Only slightly? Or _my boyfriend lost a few pounds recently_?"

"The bigger the better," he laughs, his eyes looking at the strange spots on the ceiling. "You’re staying in your own bed—I can go sleep on the couch."

"No fucking way, you’re my guest."

"Then I hope you like cuddling because I certainly do." Kyungsoo smiles at him as he stands up and Chanyeol throws a random shirt at him.

He does have a spare toothbrush.

***

Kyungsoo hates how easy it is to make him cry after this much alcohol—he feels his eyes water after just as much as thinking about losing his job. It’s so pathetic, he didn't even like working there, his finances aren’t in a dire state, but… Kyungsoo was never good with accepting failure.

"It’s alright," Chanyeol shushes him, brings him close to his chest. "Tell me what’s wrong."

"I’m a failure."

"No, you’re not. Don’t define yourself by how much you’ve achieved."

"And what else can I use to define myself? We’re a bag made of skin, that’s supported with bones, and filled with internal organs," Kyungsoo says in between sobs. "I theoretically have so many years ahead of me, Chanyeol. What am I supposed to do with them when I can barely stand the thought of going to work? Of having to find my way between the backhanded compliments and backstabbing of office politics? I don’t want to ride the fucking elevator every day either," he chuckles, the tears wetting his cheeks. "But I have to in order to live…"

"Have you thought about changing professions? Doing something that actually makes you happy?" Chanyeol says meekly, his deep voice vibrating in his chest.

"And what am I gonna do? I hate dealing with people—finding a job is not a problem, finding a job that I don’t despise is." He clutches Chanyeol’s shirt. "I don’t want you to offer me a solution, Yeol. I know what I should do—just, pity me for a few minutes till I fall asleep. You can laugh at me in the morning. I don’t want you to distract me, I rarely allow myself to feel this bad about myself… What do _you_ want to do with the rest of your future?" Kyungsoo asks in a surge of drunken sincerity. 

Chanyeol takes a deep breath and touches the back of Kyungsoo’s head, bringing him even closer to his chest. "I don’t know. I don’t want to live in a never-ending transition period, waiting for one good thing after another, until my heart, lungs, or my liver as you suggested, give out… But that’s what life seems like at the moment. Waiting for the weekend, for summer, for a better job, for life to get decent or at least bearable… I can’t help you, Soo—I wish I could."

Chanyeol’s words comfort him enough to be able to peacefully fall asleep. He's not alone. 

***

He's on top of Chanyeol, but this isn't his apartment. No, Kyungsoo knows exactly whose room this is.

"Chanyeol," he says, kissing his neck, feeling the soft skin under his lips. "Chanyeol, this is a dream."

The other man blinks several times and opens his legs, letting go of Kyungsoo's waist. "Where are we? Do you know this place?" he asks.

Kyungsoo nods as he looks deep into Chanyeol’s eyes. "It’s my childhood bedroom." He looks at the plain, white sheets and the light wooden bed frame.

"Are you sure?"

"There’s a Naruto poster on the door?"

Chanyeol nods.

"Definitely my room, I'm very sure of it," he laughs, untangling himself from Chanyeol's long limbs.

"I don't want to be mean, but—uhm, one of the walls is crooked," Chanyeol says, choosing his words carefully.

Kyungsoo wants to mock him for his politeness, this house is just plain ugly. "Yeah, it was built before the financial crisis, it's cheaply made—typical new-money stuff." He clicks his tongue. "You haven't seen the living room yet, the carpeting drove me insane even as a kid." 

He wonders whether his dad's office looks the same way he always imagined it—beige walls, oriental rug, empty bookshelves, and a massive desk by the window. Every time his dad asked him to come into his office he knew he was screwed. 

"How rich were your parents?"

"Rich enough to think that building two separate garages was a good idea," he scoffs and gets up from the bed, feeling uneasy by visiting this house. Kyungsoo told himself he’d never come back here.

"You really are a Regina George, huh," Chanyeol laughs as he looks around the room, his eyes focused on the manga collection displayed on one of the shelves. Kyungsoo knows there are more titles under the bed—he’s always been a rather private person. 

"I’m more of a Janis type, I guess, but she was a mean girl in her own way, so you’re kinda right." Kyungsoo shrugs. Like probably most people, he sometimes wishes he could punch his teenage self in the face.

"I want to see you with heavy eyeliner now."

"Do you? I’m pretty sure you don’t—I’d look tragic."

Chanyeol pouts. "I think you’d look cute."

"We have very different definitions of _cute_ then." He laughs bitterly, his insecurities getting the better of him. He’s in a bad mood, if he keeps talking he will inevitably hurt Chanyeol with his words. "Were you a ‘ _Heather’_? Since you seem like a person that would happily jump on the occasion to get fucked gently with a chainsaw,” he says, feeling proud of making a reference to another famous highschool movie. 

“Why are you asking? Do you want to murder me?” he laughs. 

“I thought you were already a ghost.”

Chanyeol playfully rolls his eyes. “You know damn well that I’m alive.”

“It won’t hurt to check a few times before I’m 100% sure—”

“You know, it’s kind of funny that we are sharing a dream while we are sleeping in the same bed,” Chanyeol cuts in as he walks around Kyungsoo’s childhood room. “I wonder what would happen if one of us woke up right now.” 

“I don’t think I want to find out,” Kyungsoo says as he opens the door. If he were to stay in this house alone he’s not sure what he would do. It’s his childhood home and everything about it is bitter-sweet. This dream is probably fuelled by drinking too much and throwing himself a little pity-party in Chanyeol’s arms—Kyungsoo can’t wait to wake up even if he ends up with a hangover. 

They walk out of the room; the hallway is completely dark. Kyungsoo tries to find the light switch and he can’t remember where it’s supposed to be. He gives up and starts walking towards the stairs in the complete darkness. 

Kyungsoo feels his feet slipping on the old, matted carpeting covering the stairs, but he's afraid to touch the handrail—it used to be very unsteady. Chanyeol takes his hand, intertwining their fingers in an act of reassurance. 

He takes a look at the door to his father's office. 

"Let's not spend too much time here," Chanyeol says into his ear, his voice gentle and making the little hairs on the back of Kyungsoo’s neck stand straight. 

"These are my memories… This house has been sold and renovated, so I know, _I know_ , it’s not real, but I still need to check something, okay? Just to make sure.” He squeezes Chanyeol’s hand and starts walking down the stairs. “I’ve never been to my dad’s office for more than a few minutes, I want to see how I remember it.”

He’s always thought that reflections were scary in the dark, that’s why Kyungsoo makes sure not to look at himself in the hallway mirror. 

“ _Do you blame yourself?_ ” an ominous voice asks when he opens the office doors. 

“N—no?” Kyungsoo answers, feeling like he’s sinking into the floor. 

“ _Well, it’s quite common to feel guilty in these kinds of situations. I’m sure you didn’t want to disappoint anyone, it doesn’t mean you didn’t._ ” 

Kyungsoo wants to scream. He clenches his fists. 

Chanyeol gives him a hug from the back. “I don’t think you should go there. Let’s get out of here, Soo. You don’t have to force yourself.”

“I’m not,” he says firmly. “You don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t, but I also don’t want to see you hurt yourself.” 

“I’m not!” The whole house shakes when he raises his voice. “I’ve never been to my dad’s office, all right? I lied. He always locked himself up there—I just, I want to finally see what it looks like. Even if I have to make it up,” he says as he opens the door, ignoring the knot forming in his stomach. 

The office looks hazy as if it were a faded memory or an old photograph as if the outline of the whole… reality was smudged. Everything bleeds into each other like different colors of ink on wet paper.

Kyungsoo walks up to the big desk standing in the middle and he opens one of the drawers. It’s empty—except for a folded piece of paper. He hesitates before unfolding it, his eyes lingering on Chanyeol’s face for a second too long for him to deny his fear. 

_This isn’t a dream,_ the note says in Kyungsoo’s handwriting. He wants to immediately tell Chanyeol about it, but he refrains himself.

"It is, I know it is," he says under his breath, closing his eyes shut. 

"Look at my watch," Chanyeol says, showing him the face of his hand watch. "And then look at it again. The time will be different."

_11:27 AM_

Kyungsoo closes his eyes. 

_01:12 AM_

"Okay, okay, you're right." Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. "You’re right, I panicked for a second there."

"Looking at your hands sometimes works too, but I like the watch method the most. Nothing bad will happen if you forget that you’re in a dream, nothing can hurt you here, but it can feel kinda awful," he says. "If you don't want to stay here, just visualize a different place—somewhere where you feel safe."

Kyungsoo knows he can go anywhere, but that doesn’t mean there's a place where he _wants_ to go. He feels frustrated with himself. "I don't know. I genuinely can't think of anywhere…" 

Chanyeol chuckles. "It’s like when someone asks you what your favorite movie is and then you can't remember a single title?"

"Yeah, kinda like that." Kyungsoo attempts a smile. "The fake-out answer is any boring war movie, ‘ _Saving Private Ryan’_ and all that. The actual, fun answer is ‘ _13 going on 30’_." He attempts to think of a place that would make him feel safe, but he's still drawing a blank. 

"Maybe a beach? That seems good enough?" Chanyeol proposes.

And it's just like that, they are surrounded by sand and the sound of the ocean. It's cold, some part of Kyungsoo knows he should be freezing without a coat on, but he chooses to ignore it. He feels his feet sink into the chilly sand as he tries to move, the wind blowing in his face. 

Somehow, this place makes him so free he wants to scream till his voice gives out. The beach is empty, no one besides Chanyeol would hear him anyway. 

It's already after dark and with only one of the lanterns still working, he can't see much. But he can easily hear the waves hitting the wave breakers. "Chanyeol?" 

"Here,” he hears from behind. 

He can't see Chanyeol very well, but that doesn’t stop him from turning around and kissing him fervently, almost feverishly. Chanyeol makes a noise of surprise but doesn’t hesitate before kissing him back with the same passion. 

“I really like ‘ _Pacific Rim’_ ,” Chanyeol chuckles against his lips as Kyungsoo feels himself wake up, his eyes slowly opening. 

***

Kyungsoo looks up at the evening sky, his arms resting on the balcony railing, the brown paint peeling off in big chunks. He flicks off his lighter, testing how close to the flame he can put his finger. 

Chanyeol’s in his apartment, the light in his living room giving off a warm glow through the window. Kyungsoo feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

"You’re smoking again," Chanyeol says, he sounds annoyed.

"I’m not though, I forgot to roll my cigarettes before I packed up—I’m too lazy to look for the tobacco now," Kyungsoo explains. "We can stalk each other through our windows now, how romantic. I can do a striptease for you, and the whole neighborhood."

Chanyeol sounds like he’s choking. "I didn’t think you’d be into exhibitionism, but you do you, Soo."

The nickname triggers something in Kyungsoo. He laughs as he backs out to his living room, closing the balcony door behind him.

"What are you doing?"

"You’ll see."

He takes a chair from his kitchen and sets it in front of the balcony window. There's no way Chanyeol can see more than his face, the railing obscuring everything else—it's kind of the point. 

"Have you touched yourself today, Yeollie?" He hopes the nickname will have the same effect on Chanyeol add it had on him.

Chanyeol's breath hitches as if the air isn’t what he needs anymore. "No, I—I didn't feel like it…"

"Good. Are you busy right now? Or can you spare me some time?" Kyungsoo can see him nod his head through the window—it looks like a television screen standing far enough for the details to start to blur. "Take a chair, or sit somewhere where you can see me," he commands, the tone of his voice sounding sharp.

Chanyeol follows his order as he puts his phone on speaker and leaves it on the windowsill. "I can barely see you."

"That’s the point," Kyungsoo says with a smile as he reaches the zipper of his pants. "Undress yourself, you can leave the shirt on."

"Someone’ll see us."

"Then you have to be quick," he laughs and starts touching himself through the soft material of his boxers. Kyungsoo gasps softly, trying to rile Chanyeol up as well. "Or you’ll have to hold on till we see each other again." 

"Don't be mean…"

"But I am, Yeollie, very much so," he laughs. "I love that you let me be in control all the time—I rarely have the opportunity. Tell me, how does it feel to be so exposed? To know that someone can be watching you undress and you can't do anything about it? Because you're so desperate for release that you'll entertain my every wish."

Chanyeol whines on the other end. "I want to hide, my cheeks are burning, but… I want to be good for you," he says, his voice cracking, and Kyungsoo's breath catches.

He squeezes the head of his cock harder. "Fuck—oh, you're so good for me, you don't even know… This is the dumbest idea I’ve had to date," he laughs.

"It’s hard to disagree with you." Chanyeol throws his head back, exposing his long neck. Kyungsoo wishes he could touch him, but he’s choosing to treat this as an exercise in self-control. He _could_ just go to Chanyeol’s apartment, nothing’s stopping him, he _could_ touch him, fuck him, hear him moan his name into his ear directly, not through the phone speaker. But isn’t masochism also depriving yourself from the things you want?

And Kyungsoo’s feeling especially masochistic today. "I wish I could fuck you against the window, press your body to the cold surface, watch your breath condense on the glass…"

"You’re an exhibitionist after all! You’re having too much fun with this!"

"Isn’t it obvious?" Kyungsoo hides his smile behind his hand. "Now I'm the embarrassed one because you're too good at reading people."

"Have you ever passed those tall office buildings with floor to ceiling windows and wondered what it would feel like to pin someone against one of them?" Chanyeol asks, putting the image right into Kyungsoo’s head. 

"Imagine that I work in an office on the top floor, I stay after hours, and you come to walk me home but instead I fuck you with your face pressed against the cold glass," Kyungsoo says, starting to stroke faster. 

"You can fuck while wearing a suit anytime, baby," Chanyeol purrs into the speaker.

"You could've said so, I'd love to wear some of my fancy ties again. Especially if it's for you, Yeollie." Chanyeol yelps at the pet name and Kyungsoo almost does the same. "Yeollie, are you close?"

"If you keep calling me that I might be very soon," he laughs. 

"Then you should slow down, take a few deep breaths, keep yourself on the edge for me, Yeollie," Kyungsoo commands as he tightens the grip on his cock. He can't help himself from calling Chanyeol’s name.

"Soo, please, let me come, please," he whines. 

"How do you want to come then?" Kyungsoo asks, trying to pull himself from the bleeding edge of an orgasm. 

"I want you to fuck me, please, tell me how you'd fuck me."

"I want you on display so everyone can see that you're so eager to please me, even if you mouth me off sometimes. Maybe you have a trusted friend group that would be willing to watch you, maybe some of them would use you too. Would you like that, Yeollie? To fall apart as everyone watches?" Kyungsoo asks, watching as Chanyeol’s handsome face twists in pleasure. 

"Yes, yes, please. I want to be good for you."

"Oh, you're already such a good boy for me. You're listening so well…" Kyungsoo managed to say as he spills onto his hand, a strangled sound coming out of his throat. 

"Please, can I come?" Chanyeol begs and Kyungsoo just nods, finding it hard to utter a single sound as he basks in the afterglow.

Chanyeol comes with a shout, his head thrown back, and Kyungsoo is mesmerized by how utterly beautiful he looks. He wishes he could touch him through the glass, kiss his plush lips and feel the warmth of his toned body. It's frustrating, torturous even, but that's exactly what he wanted. After all, he was feeling quite masochistic earlier. 

***

Kyungsoo buzzes Chanyeol in. "I’m happy to see you, but tell me, why exactly are you here?" He didn’t even call Kyungsoo on the phone, Chanyeol just showed up unannounced with his dog, asking to use the bathroom.

"I wanted to use your shower?"

"I have a bathtub though?" Kyungsoo crosses his arms, unsure what to think about this situation. To him, it seems like Chanyeol is just looking for an excuse to spend time with him. Getting attached sounds scary to Kyungsoo.

"Eh, it’s good enough. I can’t use mine because I’m doing laundry right now, and the clothes need to soak for some time," he explains as he walks to the bathroom and starts to run the water.

"Can’t you use the laundromat in the basement?" Kyungsoo offers him a solution that Chanyeol will, for sure, find an excuse not to follow. It's always like this—Kyungsoo operates on a completely different wavelength than Chanyeol. Things that are obvious to him can seem outlandish to the other man.

"Damn, it must be nice not to be broke all the time. My landlord pays my water bill, so I can do my laundry for almost free if I just sacrifice my bathtub for a few minutes every week. Plus, now I get to hang out with you because ‘ _I need to use your bathroom_ ’," he laughs, taking off his shirt.

Kyungsoo can’t believe this isn’t one of his ridiculous dreams, it certainly feels like one. "You know what? Sure, I'll take the bait." He takes Chanyeol’s hand and drags him to the bathroom. "I don’t know how we are gonna fit in here, but I’m willing to try. I don’t have a two-person tub."

"I don’t mind being waterboarded a little if it means I will be bathing with you." The smile on Chanyeol’s face is as radiant as the damn sun and Kyungsoo can’t fathom that he’s the source of this man’s happiness.

"You can stay the night," he tells Chanyeol as he hugs him so tightly that he feels like he’s crushing Chanyeol’s ribs. "I think we both get lonely here."

"Is this the right moment to tell you that today's not laundry day and I just wanted an excuse?"

"Yes," Kyungsoo mumbles into the crook of his neck. "Please, stay."

"I will." Chanyeol places a kiss on the top of his head. "Is something wrong?"

Kyungsoo laughs, the sound getting drowned out by the running water. "I wanted to see you, but I was too stubborn to call you. I always feel so needy when I initiate anything… I sound so dumb."

"Considering that I used laundry day as an excuse to see you? Yes, you sound dumb. _I'm_ the needy one, you can't compare." Chanyeol coups his jaw, forcing Kyungsoo to look at him. "Never feel stupid for wanting to see me, okay? I'm not going to push you away, so please, stop treating me like inevitably I will." 

Something in the way Chanyeol looks at him makes Kyungsoo’s chest ache. He's so happy, so euphoric that it hurts.

Chanyeol's arms don't feel like home—nothing does for Kyungsoo—but they feel like a concrete foundation for that home to be built on. Brick by brick. And just like houses take years to build, some relationships need time as well. If they decide to put in the work, draw the blueprint, negotiate the terms, they might just create a safe haven for each other. 

And it's already when they're laying in his bed, kissing and laughing about the silliest of things, that Kyungsoo realizes that maybe they've already started to lay the foundation. 


	3. Chapter 3

The only thing with an ounce of color in Chanyeol’s closest surroundings is his phone screen. 

"Want a cig?" Kyungsoo asks, startling him and almost making him drop his phone on the ground.

Chanyeol shakes his head. "I'll pass." He doesn't know why Kyungsoo would be here. 

"Damn, my lighter's dead, I hoped you'd let me use yours," Kyungsoo laughs, his deep voice echoing through the empty street. It’s five AM; he shouldn’t be here.

Chanyeol fishes out the lighter from his raincoat and hands it to the other man, the rain wetting his sleeve, making the drops of water gather on top of the fabric. He’s just finished his shift and is waiting for the night bus to take him home.

The lighter goes through Kyungsoo's hand, it looks grotesque, like he's an art installation warning the younger generations of the effects of smoking.

"I guess it's my turn to ghost you." 

"I have a theory… is it possible that you're asleep right now?" Chanyeol proposes.

"Are you?"

"No, definitely not—that's why I'm asking you. To quote, _you're the unknown variable_." He smiles.

Kyungsoo looks at him with a stern face. "I don't know… Maybe?" He reaches his hand, tries to touch Chanyeol, but to no avail.

"Because I think you are, and that’s why you are actually here, well, some part of you is here," he says, also trying to take Kyungsoo’s hand. 

“But why?”

 _Because you miss me_ , Chanyeol thinks but does say aloud. _Because you’re lonely just like me._ “I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Look, I’m sorry, my bus is coming. I’m sure if you wake up everything will be alright.” He leaves Kyungsoo by the bus stop, ignoring the way his heart aches when he passes by his apartment. 

***

For Chanyeol, it's easy to settle into a routine with Kyungsoo. He enjoys the evening walks around the empty park, smoking raspberry cigarettes near the playground. The way Kyungsoo looks at him when he climbs on the top of the slide always makes his heart pound in his chest—he seems so annoyed with him, but there's also a hint of affection there, maybe even something akin to love.

Although, that’s probably his wishful thinking. Chanyeol has a history of projecting his feelings onto others.

Chanyeol's willing to make a fool out of himself if it means seeing Kyungsoo smile for a second. He’s even willing to keep playing that shitty racing game on his Xbox that Kyungsoo likes to play with him so much because his small bursts of rage make him cackle, and frankly, that’s more important than his fragile pride.

In conclusion, Chanyeol has fallen so hard he can’t fucking get up and the mere thought that Kyungsoo might not reciprocate his feelings makes his heart ache.

One evening, his fingers automatically dial Kyungsoo’s number when he leaves the building, Toben’s leash held in his other hand. 

"Wanna take a walk?"

Kyungsoo just laughs in response and Chanyeol feels all the rational thoughts leave his head like migrating birds before winter. "I’m already outside. Sure."

"Huh? Were you grocery shopping or something? I can help you with the bags?" Chanyeol starts fidgeting with keys in his pocket. 

"No, no, I’m… I went to an interview? And I’m just sitting outside now—near the playground," he says, sounding like he’s taking a drag from a cigarette. "I’m also avoiding what I think is a ghost? Or a street preacher? I can’t tell if they are dead or not and I don’t think I want to find out," he laughs. "I’m not much of a _spiritual_ person."

Kyungsoo’s affinity for puns hasn’t gone unnoticed by Chanyeol."I mean, it’s quite humid, no wonder they are appearing. So you want me to rescue you from a ghost?" In fact, it's so humid that his short hair is feeling kind of wet to the touch—he's been outside for less than five minutes. 

"Yeah, I would appreciate that. Meet me at the playground," he says before hanging up. 

The streets are empty despite the fact that the sun hasn't even set. It's always like this in this part of town, the majority of residents are seniors who rarely go out in the evenings, especially in winter. 

Chanyeol loves the winter sunsets—they remind him of overexposed photos. Somehow the colors of the sky look washed up, almost like the saturation of the whole world has been turned down.

He notices Kyungsoo leaning on the metal fence surrounding the playground, his favorite lighter resting in his hand.

"Why are you staring at me instead of saying _hello_?" he asks with a smile.

"Because you look _boo-tiful_."

" _Boo_ , your puns are _dreadful_ ," Kyungsoo chuckles as he crosses his arms.

"I see that I got you into the _spirit_ ," he laughs and lets go of the leash, letting Toben run to Kyungsoo. "How did your interview go?"

Kyungsoo crouches to greet Toben. "Kinda hard to tell? They seem interested but I don’t want to get my hopes up." He shrugs as he starts to pet the poodle, his fingers sinking into the curly fur.

"But seriously, you look really good in this suit, and it wasn’t just a bad pun. It’s kinda hot actually."

Kyungsoo refuses to look at Chanyeol, his eyes drilling into the ground. "Thank you… It’s one of my best ones, I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard."

"Are you really so easily flustered by the smallest compliment?" Chanyeol teases. "What would you do if I just said every single little thing I like about you? Combust on the spot?"

"I’d stay uncomfortably silent till you shut up."

"Damn, you’re ambitious then. I can handle awkwardness, otherwise, I wouldn’t spend so much time with you." Chanyeol puts on his most obnoxious grin. 

"It’s decided, I’m stealing your dog as a punishment for being so annoying."

"You'd give him back after a few days, I guarantee."

"I can handle hyperactivity, I wouldn't spend so much time with you if I couldn't." Kyungsoo makes sure to look Chanyeol straight in the eyes. 

He can't help but laugh. "If I kiss you, will you stop roasting me?" 

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows, looking somewhat flustered. "You can try to find out."

Before he can finish the sentence Chanyeol is already chasing his lips. Kyungsoo tastes bitter just like the cigarettes he smokes, but Chanyeol doesn't mind as long as it's him. 

And he can't help but bring Kyungsoo closer by the collar of his coat, his hands tugging at the material. Kyungsoo steps closer, their chests touching. 

"You're so needy," Kyungsoo says, his thumb touching Chanyeol’s lower lip. 

"I could've pulled you by the tie." Chanyeol drags his finger over Kyungsoo’s dark-blue tie.

"I can find a better use for it than you trying to strangle me."

Chanyeol knows Kyungsoo is just trying to flirt with him, but he feels the uncontrollable urge to mess with him. "This is a very roundabout way to tell me you have a _Fetlife_ account," he says and Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide, which only encourages him to keep up the joke. "You know any cool knots? Ways to tie someone up?"

"I was bluffing," Kyungsoo chuckles awkwardly. "I would have to practice on someone first if you're into that." 

"So what’s your username? _MasterDo92_?"

"If it existed, it’d be _93_ , at least get my age right." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes—he seems amused. "Are you going to shut up on your own or do I have to kiss you again?"

"You'll have to find out by yourself," Chanyeol sing-songs as he takes Kyungsoo's hand. "But we are here for a walk, we can't spend the whole time making out. Toben’s already judging us." He points at his dog who's seemingly trying to hypnotize them with the way he's staring daggers at them. 

Even in his expensive, leather shoes, Kyungsoo has to stand on his tiptoes to kiss Chanyeol on the forehead. "You're annoying but very cute. Dangerous combo."

***

A few days later Chanyeol notices a plain-looking package in Kyungsoo’s living room; he doesn’t mention it.

***

Chanyeol puts down his phone on the bed as he gets bored of getting called _gay_ by 13-year-olds on Among Us—the funniest thing is that they are _right_. "Whatcha doin’?" he mumbles into Kyungsoo’s direction, his mouth partially obscured by the duvet. 

Kyungsoo is sitting with his back to the wall as he's looking at something on his phone. He just cryptically smiles at him instead of giving him an immediate answer. "We both have a thing for neckties, correct?"

"It seems like it," Chanyeol confirms, trying to predict where Kyungsoo wants to take this conversation. 

In response, Kyungsoo turns his phone to Chanyeol. "It seems much safer."

"A shibari tutorial? Do you even have any rope with you?" Chanyeol teases but he's already imagining the way it would feel on his wrists. 

"Why do you think I'm watching a tutorial?" he laughs. "It’s in my bag, you can take it out if you wanna. I also have safety shears there, you can take them out too." Chanyeol's already on his feet when Kyungsoo finishes the sentence. "It looks like you're into this idea."

"Were you worried I wouldn't be?" he asks, taking out the silky rope from the bag.

"I wasn't sure, I made an impulsive purchase and got worried you wouldn't be into it as much as I am,” he admits. “I don’t want to do anything complicated—I’ve tried some of the techniques on myself but I’m not too confident in my abilities at the moment.”

The image of Kyungsoo tying up his hands with the grey rope coiling around his wrists and arms like a snake is delightful and Chanyeol wishes he could have witnessed it—god, he really does. “You can practice on me,” Chanyeol blurts out. “If you want to try out different things, well, I don’t need my hands to watch TV or Youtube. You can just use me as a live model,” he adds. 

“Okay, yeah—If you don’t mind?”

“I don’t,” Chanyeol laughs as he lays down the gray rope on the bed next to Kyungsoo. “I’m glad to be of service, Soo,” he says with a smile he knows will make Kyungsoo’s go weak at the knees. 

The rope feels pleasantly heavy on his wrists as Kyungsoo plays around with it. He wraps it around Chanyeol’s wrist a couple of times, making sure that everything remains straight and even, then he twists the rope at the top and loops it. The moment the rope gets cinched in the middle Chanyeol remembers how exciting it feels to have his moves restricted—to be at someone’s mercy. “This is… pleasant,” he laughs awkwardly, feeling his pants get uncomfortably tight.

“I hope so.” Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to fully acknowledge Chanyeol’s reaction. “I want to try out other stuff too, if you’re willing, of course.”

“Go ahead, I won’t stop you,” Chanyeol laughs. 

“I’ll make sure of that.” Kyungsoo smiles and it somehow looks like he’s mocking him.

Kyungsoo tries a couple of different simple restraints, his fingers brushing over Chanyeol's arms and torso—in short, skillfully avoiding giving his neglected cock any attention. And Kyungsoo has definitely noticed his growing hard-on because he keeps commenting on it and how cute it is that Chanyeol has given up the ability to do anything about it. With each passing minute, Chanyeol gets closer and closer to starting rutting on Kyungsoo’s leg or against the bed.

“Do you want me to untie you before I jerk you off?” Kyungsoo laughs when he’s finally done with practicing the last restraint. 

At first, Chanyeol doesn’t know what to say. “You can leave it on,” he mumbles.

Kyungsoo looks genuinely surprised by his response. “As you wish, Yeollie.” He pushes Chanyeol on the bed and straddles him, his legs hugging Chanyeol’s thighs. “If it gets uncomfortable just tell me, I’ll untie you right away, okay?” 

Chanyeol nods in confirmation. 

“Good, now let’s help you out a little. I’m sorry for ignoring you for so long, I wanted to practice—self-ties on arms are difficult for me,” he admits, making Chanyeol’s imagination run wild. 

He pictures Kyungsoo in his living room, sitting on the floor with one of his legs bound by a beautiful red rope as he’s guiding the end through the final loop. He hopes that one-day Kyungsoo will let him witness it. 

“You’re doing this on purpose now, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kyungsoo smiles derisively as he cups Chanyeol’s bulge. “I was just telling you that I tried to tie myself up because I didn’t want to look stupid in front of you,” he laughs, letting go of his persona for a moment. “I was never a boy scout. The only things I could tie a few days ago were my shoes—and sometimes I failed at that. My first tries weren't hot, they were very embarrassing,” he cackles.

Chanyeol can’t help but kiss his stupid face. Kyungsoo has opened up so much to him—there’s no way he would tell him this anecdote a few weeks ago. And yet, here he is, showing Chanyeol the silliest and most intimate parts of himself. It’s so freeing, to have a person you can tell everything and know that they can share everything with you too. He’s so enamored that he can barely speak. 

Kyungsoo takes his time kissing Chanyeol, his hands playing with Chanyeol’s zipper as if he were picking a lock. And when they finally draw apart, his mouth leaves a trail down Chanyeol’s chest right to the band of his underwear. 

“I wonder,” he begins, “if I just kept teasing you, would you come without me even properly touching you?” he asks as he tugs down Chanyeol’s jeans as well as underwear and folds them carefully, making sure any spare change doesn’t fall out of the pockets.

“Please, touch me,” Chanyeol begs, his patience running out already. 

“Maybe if you answer my question,” Kyungsoo chuckles, his voice low, so low that it makes Chanyeol’s stomach flip. He makes sure he doesn’t accidentally touch Chanyeol’s cock as he starts kissing the inside of his thighs.

“Maybe if you were determined enough,” he answers truthfully. “But it doesn’t seem like a lot of fun to me though.”

Kyungsoo stops for a moment and pulls himself up to kiss Chanyeol on the forehead. “Okay, thank you for being honest with me. The feedback is appreciated,” he laughs.

“I hope so.” Chanyeol smiles back. "I just want you to take care of me today, I'm in my feelings, alright?"

"Alright then, I'll be mean some other time.”

“I like it when you’re mean to me, just not today—I really like you and tonight feels special for some reason," he says instead of trying to utter the actual reason— _Because I think I've just realized that I'm in love with you._

Usually, it’s easy for Chanyeol to say things like this; expressing his feelings comes naturally to him. And yet, he has decided to save these sweet words as if they were the last piece of candy in the chocolate box. He doesn't know when he will tell Kyungsoo, but it's not today. 

Kyungsoo offers him a gentle smile and kisses him on the forehead another time. “So today you’re my big baby, is that right?” Chanyeol nods with a chuckle. “Okay, then let me make you feel good, Yeollie,” Kyungsoo says gently as he pulls down his underwear. 

“What about you?” Chanyeol can feel how hard Kyungsoo is, his crotch pressing against his thigh. “Please, please, I want you to feel good too,” he whines quietly, hoping Kyungsoo won’t deny him from seeing his pretty face twist in pleasure. 

Kyungsoo laughs against his neck, making all the hairs on Chanyeol’s body stand still. “You’re so sweet,” he says softly, sounding genuine. 

It’s so tender, to be held by someone you love, to bask in this warm feeling, knowing that it’s almost definitely reciprocated, but that it’s also left unsaid—that whatever they feel towards each other is still evolving, changing forms and colors like the shapes in a kaleidoscope. Chanyeol could cry from the joy that fills his heart. He loves Kyungsoo so much and it’s so new, so different and… exciting. He hasn’t felt so excited to see what the future has to offer in a long time. 

Chanyeol had grown so accustomed to waiting around that he’d forgotten he can _change_ his life, that there are people who will listen to him and understand, and even relate. He’s not alone and neither is Kyungsoo. At the very least, they have each other. 

“Why are you crying?” Kyungsoo asks, making Chanyeol realize that his cheeks are wet. “Have I said something wrong? Ah, fuck, turn around, I’ll untie you. I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, that’s not it,” Chanyeol says, shaking his head. “I’m just so glad I met you, so glad. You have no idea. Have you ever had a friend, or anyone, who seemed to just _get_ you? Because that’s how I feel about you. I don’t know, I’m just really sappy today,” he chuckles, hoping that Kyungsoo won’t start panicking. “I’m a big crybaby, you just haven’t had the pleasure to see how much I can cry during a sad, dog movie.”

“You sure? I just—I got scared. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Kyungsoo cups Chanyeol’s face. “You can back out at any time.”

“I don’t know anyone who makes me more comfortable than you, Soo,” Chanyeol confesses. “If something happens I’ll tell you about it, alright?” He interrupts himself with laughter. “At least now I know that you’re not into crying.”

Kyungsoo smiles back. “No, definitely not. I don’t want to ever intentionally hurt you—in the end, I’m a people pleaser,” he says, sincerity ringing in his voice. “So please, I’ll do anything you want.” He starts kissing Chanyeol’s neck and under his jaw. 

“I want to come with you.” Chanyeol lifts his tied arms and puts them over Kyungsoo’s head. “That’s all I want.”

Kyungsoo gives him a reassuring smile as he leaves him on the bed to take off his clothes. And it looks like he’s making a show for Chanyeol because his fingers linger a little too long on each button of his shirt. “I wish I had some pretty lingerie so you had something interesting to look at,” he says, his hands nervously playing with the hem of his shirt.

What breaks Chanyeol’s heart is that Kyungsoo doesn’t _look_ insecure, he’s standing before him half-naked with a sultry expression, but he sounds so uptight. He’s not putting on a confident persona, but instead, he’s allowing himself to be vulnerable. It makes Chanyeol so happy that Kyungsoo trusts him enough to show himself like this. “But you’re already so beautiful, you don’t have to cover up anything. I’m not playing a long-time prank on you, I really like you the way you are. So please, _please_ , come over and kiss me already,” he whines. 

“How do you know about my lifelong fear that every partner I’ve had was pulling a prank on me?” he laughs as he lays down next to Chanyeol, his fingers lazily outlining Chanyeol’s muscles. Kyungsoo reaches over to the nightstand drawer and takes out a packet of lube.

“Because you’re fairly easy to read when you finally open up,” Chanyeol answers honestly. He rolls over to his side to be able to look into Kyungsoo’s eyes. “I just had to start listening.”

Kyungsoo kisses him softly, so gently that Chanyeol can’t help but chase his lips wanting more. Instead of giving him what he wants, Kyungsoo draws them apart and opens the packet with his teeth, letting the cold liquid dribble onto Chanyeol’s chest. He pours it onto his hand and lubes up his half-hard cock before doing the same to Chanyeol. “This would have been easier for you since you have bigger hands,” he chuckles, trying to mask his soft moan when his dick slides over Chanyeol’s. “But mine will have to do.” 

“Just—” his voice catches in his throat when Kyungsoo starts stroking him. “Just stop putting yourself down. You really don’t have to,” he says as he looks down, and seeing Kyungsoo’s hand around both of their cocks makes him melt into his embrace. He feels so safe, so wanted and appreciated next to Kyungsoo. Chanyeol grinds his hips, making their cocks slide together and it feels so wonderful. “Soo, you’re perfect to me, please, believe me.”

“It’s hard,” Kyungsoo confesses, his breath hot on Chanyeol’s neck. “But I’ll try, for you, I’ll try.” He thrusts forward, their cocks rubbing against each other and Chanyeol can feel how fast his heart is beating, how ragged his breath is, how much he’s willing to reveal himself to Chanyeol. 

And although neither of them has said it aloud, Chanyeol feels so loved and he hopes Kyungsoo does too. He throws his head, getting lost in the sensation as he keeps thrusting against Kyungsoo's cock.

"Fuck, you're so pretty, Yeollie, fuck,” Kyungsoo rasps out, sweat gathering on his temples. 

“Soo, please” Chanyeol whines, not knowing what he’s even begging for, but Kyungsoo seems to understand his laconic plea. 

He tightens the grip on their cocks. His hand is too small to encircle both of them fully, but it still feels delightful when he fucks into his fist. Chanyeol tries to focus on his handsome face, on his half-closed eyes and furrowed, thick eyebrows—he’s right on the bleeding edge and it’s getting increasingly more difficult to hold himself back, to think about anything else than—

“Soo,” he cries out as he shoots his load on his stomach and chest. It feels so good to be held by Kyungsoo to bask in his attention as he comes down from his high. 

Kyungsoo comes with a muffled shout a few minutes later, his come spilling out of his hand as he grinds against Chanyeol’s softening, but also overstimulated cock. It takes them several minutes of just deep breathing to even consider that it’s time to untie Chanyeol.

***

When Chanyeol comes home he has to leave his leather boots in the hallway to let them dry because of the heavy snow—his wooden floors are already beaten up. Thankfully it's too cold for ghosts to show up so he can leave them unattended without some specter trying to steal them. Keyword, _try,_ thankfully ghosts can't do much in the material world. 

He takes off his coat, hangs his scarf over the radiator, and tries to sneak into the kitchen without Kyungsoo noticing. 

He fails. Miserably.

“I thought you had work today,” Kyungsoo says from the couch as he puts down his phone on the coffee table. “I was getting ready to head back to my place.”

Chanyeol shrugs and gives Kyungsoo a small box. "Happy birthday, Soo."

He seems surprised. "How did you know?"

Chanyeol can't help but laugh. "Facebook. I don't think I could've been any less romantic. I’m bad at remembering dates anyway."

Kyungsoo offers him a coy smile. "Thanks for the cake."

"I also have a bottle of wine," he laughs.

"Of course you do. I’m flattered that you voluntarily left the house today because of me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in proper, winter boots. Why do you always wear sneakers anyway?" Kyungsoo asks, pointing at the black, Converse shoes standing in the hallway. 

Chanyeol’s surprised that he’d noticed. "I always wanted a pair as a kid, but we never had any money growing up. I always wore clothes and shoes that were passed down to me. My extended family is well off, so they were eager to help. To be honest, it doesn’t get deeper than that," he concludes. “I was one of those kids who didn’t have to pay for the school lunches, so you know.” He shudders at the memory. 

Kyungsoo offers him a forkful of the fluffy cake—Chanyeol eats it in one bite. "Now I know what to buy you for your birthday."

“I won’t stop you if that’s what you wanna do.” He gives Kyungsoo a kiss on the forehead before going to the kitchen to open the wine bottle.

"I refuse to drink wine from a normal glass—that’s what _wine glasses_ are for," Kyungsoo states, pointing at the two tumblers that once were Nutella jars. 

"I don't think I own wine glasses." Chanyeol shrugs. "You can drink straight from the bottle if you wanna."

Kyungsoo looks at his shoes, probably contemplating going to his apartment to bring his own set of glasses. In the end, he stays on the sofa. “Fine, I’m also buying you wine glasses for your birthday.”

“Then you’ll have to wait for a bit, my birthday is in November.”

“What day?”

“The 27th, why are you asking?”

Instead of providing an actual answer, Kyungsoo just laughs. “I seem to be followed by the numbers _27_ and _11_ , maybe it’s ‘cause it’s your birthday.”

If it were a cartoon, there would be a lightbulb flying over Chanyeol’s head. “And your birthday is on the 12th of January, of course, of fucking course!” he laughs. “You know what numbers I see everywhere? _12_ and _1_. It’s been like this for a couple of months.”

“I believe you, but do you have any tangible proof? I mean, I got fired at _11:27_ , but that’s pretty hard to prove.”

“My access code to the building is _1201_.” Chanyeol shrugs. “Can’t think of anything else right now but if I were to go through the receipts on the bottom of my bag we probably would find more weird coincidences,” Chanyeol says as he uncorks the wine and pours Kyungsoo a glass. 

“Do you have any idea why the universe is conspiring to get us together?” Kyungsoo lays his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. 

“Does it matter?” 

“No, not really. I don’t—I can’t enjoy anything without trying to find a catch,” Kyungsoo confesses. 

“It’s your birthday, I think you can’t stop overthinking for one day a year,” Chanyeol laughs, reaching for his phone to put on background music. 

Kyungsoo surprises him by downing half-a-glass of wine in one go and taking his hand. “Come on, if you’re already trying to awkwardly seduce me at least do it properly." He drags him from the couch. “I’ve decided that I don’t care. I’ll stop questioning everything.”

"I genuinely just wanted to put on some music," Chanyeol tries to defend himself; he had no ulterior motive. "So that means you're still overthinking things."

"Will you dance with me or not?" Kyungsoo tilts his head, a smile creeping up on his lips. 

"How could I say no to you?" Chanyeol takes his hands and brings him closer. 

Objectively speaking Chanyeol isn't a good dancer—whether it’s due to lack of practice, his height, or general awkwardness of his movements, is up for debate. Thankfully, slow dancing doesn't require much skill. It's basically hugging while occasionally spinning your partner. And, in his humble opinion, Kyungsoo is exceptionally huggable. 

They dance for a couple of songs, moving from one side of the room to another, their bodies pressed together. Kyungsoo tries to spin him around and Chanyeol feels the back of his calves touch the sofa, his knees buckling instinctively. Kyungsoo has to raise one of his arms to support himself as he leans over sitting Chanyeol with his eyes wide open. “Sorry, I lost ba—” he can’t even finish the sentence before Kyungsoo shuts him up with a kiss. 

He tugs at Kyungsoo’s collar to get him closer. In response, Kyungsoo straddles him, his legs hugging Chanyeol’s thighs. He tastes like the dry, red wine Chanyeol bought for him. “Why is everyone terrible at slow dancing?” Kyungsoo laughs against Chanyeol’s mouth. "I don't know a single person who's good at it."

“I’m too tall, what’s your excuse?” 

“I only dance when I’m drunk—I'm too sober right now." Kyungsoo burrows his head into the crook of Chanyeol’s neck. 

Chanyeol hugs him, his fingers feeling the bumps of his spine even through his shirt. "Happy birthday again." 

_I love you_ , Chanyeol adds in his head without daring to say it aloud. They stay like that for a while, taking deep breaths and simply enjoying being alive. 

"Soo?"

"Hm?"

"We’re sliding off the couch," Chanyeol laughs.

"I don't care." Kyungsoo hugs him even tighter.

"So you don't mind getting crushed by me if we fall down?"

"You're already crushing on me."

The way Chanyeol cackles definitely helps them reach the ground faster. It’s Kyungsoo who ends up on top of him. “If you let me go, I’ll bring you more cake,” he offers as Kyungsoo presses him to the floor. 

“Deal.” Kyungsoo rolls off Chanyeol, making himself laugh when he hits his head on the old carpet. “Fucking karma.”

Chanyeol makes sure to kiss the back of his head to make it better. 

***

Chanyeol can’t find Kyungsoo in his apartment. It’s unusual, but Chanyeol doesn’t think much of it—they’re both adults after all. 

_Meet me on the roof_ , Kyungsoo says when Chanyeol calls him. He sounds tired. 

Chanyeol puts on his coat and heavy boots and takes the old elevator to the highest floor

"You’ve been here for a while, haven’t you?" he asks Kyungsoo as he joins him on the roof. "Aren’t you cold?"

Chanyeol can see that Kyungsoo is trying his best to stop shivering. "It’s alright… I’m alright, I think." 

He hands him his scarf—it won’t do much, but it’s better than nothing. Sometimes, the smallest amount of effort is better than nothing. "Why did you come here?"

"I passed the job interview," he says quietly. "I passed it and now I’m—I don’t know, I guess I’m surprised? Dumbfounded even? I didn’t expect for this period in my life to be over so soon."

"Shouldn’t you be happy? Even a little?" Chanyeol chuckles, hoping it will encourage Kyungsoo to open up a bit. 

"I am? But I’m also confused. It somehow feels like I’ve been smacked in the face with a late birthday gift and on one hand I’m happy, but on the other, I wish it came with a warning. I’ve gotten too comfortable with doing nothing all day and hanging out with you. And I’m sad that this chapter will come to an end soon. I liked having so much free time, I like spending so much time with you," he confesses. “I’m also scared that this isn’t real, that I’ll wake up and find out that you aren’t real.”

“I’m very much real, Soo. And this isn’t a dream,” he states. “Look at my watch.”

_11:27 PM_

Kyungsoo looks away for a second.

“It says _28_ now,” he laughs. 

“That was a fluke,” Chanyeol chuckles. “Do you want all of this to be a dream?”

“No, no, for the first time in a while I don’t,” Kyungsoo says after a while. “I want this to be brutally, undeniably real. This is not the ending to a short story I wrote in 5th grade—this has to be true.”

“And it is.”

Being with Kyungsoo is the opposite of the frequent nightmare Chanyeol gets where he can't speak. It's easy to say a lot of things without words. 

Kyungsoo hugs him so tight his ribs hurt. 

***

_Several months later._

“No! Put these back,” Kyungsoo laughs as he grabs Chanyeol’s wrist in the middle of the home decor section in the supermarket. 

“We have glasses at home,” Chanyeol tries to protest but he’s already pushing the cart in the direction of the checkout. 

“Not wine glasses though. Listen, I like to keep my promises, even if we break up at some point, these are yours. You need to start drinking wine like an adult, Yeollie,” he chuckles.

Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo’s hand. He can’t understand how all of this is real—so real that it hurts. “What would I do without your generosity?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite thing while writing is basing characters' backstory on a song I used to be obsessed with years ago. This time I chose "Swimming Pool" by The Front Bottoms. That's also where I got the title! 
> 
> The drink "kamikaze" that's mentioned in the first chapter has several different versions, but the one Chanyeol was referencing is the "blue kamikaze" 🍹
> 
> I'm kind of neutral towards this ending, on one hand I wish I came up with a better conclusion, but on the other... This kind of ending suits the genre in a way? Anyway, I hope that if you read this far you enjoyed *something* about my work! And I wish you a good day/afternoon/ night!


End file.
